In 1944, a 39 year-old Austrian man named Victor Frankl and his wife Tilly were processed into the Auschwitz concentration camp. He spent approximately 18 months in the shackles of the Nazis being shuttled from one camp to another, before being liberated by American soldiers. Frankl survived the Holocaust, but his wife, mother, and brother did not.

Despite suffering such great trauma, Frankl went on to become one of the most important and influential neurologists and psychiatrists of the twentieth century. In fact, it was the experience of spending time in captivity, experiencing suffering and deprivation, and watching some prisoners transcend their circumstances while others succumbed to them, that set Frankl on a path to explore life’s meaning and develop a renowned technique called “logotherapy” to help those in need overcome difficulty. Frankl’s big insight, which surfaced at his lowest moment, was gained by observing the resilience of humanity, and teaching others how to find meaning in life even in the harshest of conditions.

Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” The search for meaning, Frankl believed, is the primary motivational factor of humans.

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I recently finished the first draft of a new book I’m writing. Almost every moment spent writing this book, like previous ones I’ve written, has been tedious and arduous. It wasn’t enjoyable. But completing the draft made me happy.

The same goes for every race I’ve run. Every challenging project I’ve completed. Every difficult conversation I’ve had. I didn’t really enjoy doing any of these things. But I’m happy for having done them.

Conversely, I’ve spent hours binge watching television. I’ve eaten way too much food in one sitting. I’ve scrolled endlessly through social media. Doing these things gave me comfort in the moment, but merely satisfying my impulses in this way has rarely brought me happiness.

What these experiences of mine illustrate—and I’m sure you’ve had similar ones—is that there is a difference between comfort, on the one hand, and happiness on the other.

That which brings us comfort in the moment often erodes our contentment over the long term. That which requires stress and struggle is often the most satisfying. It’s the paradox of happiness.

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So much of life is spent on auto-pilot. Years pass by, then decades. The more time passes, the more we lose sight of who we wanted to be, and the more we accept who we’ve become, despite the gap between our expectations and our realities.

We recognize the dissonance, but explain it away because the dreams of our youth are, we believe, impractical. It’s not realistic or responsible—and may even be selfish—to harbor, let alone act upon, deeply held desires for something more out of life, right?

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In a recent episode of “The Tim Ferriss Show” podcast, Tim asked his guest Dax Shepard the following question: “if you had a billboard...to get any message, word, or image out to billions of people...what might you put on that billboard?”

After a few moments of deliberation, Dax answered: “Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are to the people you love.”

Wow. This one hit close to home for me. I’m my own worst critic. I internalize mistakes. I try to put on a happy face for others, but get caught up in my own head. I don’t often lash out. However, I frequently lash in.

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